34X34

34X34

This morning I turned 34.

So, here’s 34 pieces of crap I’ve collected over the years. Take it as you will.

  1. The best time to leave is when everyone is still having a pretty good time - this is always earlier than when you expect it to be.

  2. Getting a dog is a good way to become a morning person, for better or worse.

  3. It helps to figure that everyone will likely disappoint you.

  4. The whole “introvert/extrovert” thing, as a metric of personality, is mostly bullshit. Chances are, you just need to be around better/ different people.

  5. I am unabashed in my judgment of people based on their ability to be self-reliant. Also: I rather admire those who aren’t afraid to ask for the right kind of help.

  6. Hangovers are best resolved with a healthy serving of green chile. In a pinch, most vinegar-based hot sauces will also do.

  7. Few pains hurt like a second-degree sunburn on the tops of your feet.

  8. Most people don’t give a damn about what you have to say, but will listen for the opportunity to make you care about what they have to say.

  9. There are few things as pointless as trying to adopt someone else’s routine.

  10. Bedtimes are overrated - just read until you pass out.

  11. Ancient wisdom outlined complicated ideas into simple execution - that’s why it’s ancient wisdom. Everything you’ve read now is just a headline looking for a click.

  12. I’ve made a strong practice to review The Four Agreements every few weeks. They read a little differently each time.

  13. Cities only sound like a good idea. Really, they are just a way to make more connections than anyone ever needs and are a quick way to learned helplessness.

  14. You are not made of glass. For the most part, the stuff that can hurt you from the outside pales against the danger of the crap we’re putting inside.

  15. Opportunity is absolutely everywhere, but patience is a necessity.

  16. Unless you’re pretty and can lead people on, no one is going to carry your pack for you.

  17. Be wary the dude who has branded his new identity with old, shamanistic crap. Patchouli cures nothing and most of us should be wearing shoes.

  18. Go for alignment over balance. After I did my knee in a few years ago, the surgeon said I would never quite move the same. He was right. The biggest issues have come from making sure my stride is aligned. If I’m not careful, I ache from my heels to my head.

  19. Schools failed most of us in how we’ve developed our reading comprehension skills. I feel like 90% of the world’s problems would be easier to solve if most of us would just read beyond the damn headlines.

  20. Again, self-reliance is underrated. Still, there is a sick irony with living in a society where self-reliance is largely dependent on one’s ability to earn and keep money. When you look at it that way, it’s not very reliant at all.

  21. When in doubt, Gin & Tonic.

  22. I spent two years hosting trivia on a mic. Every night there was at least one person who thought they were clever and wanted to go toe-to-toe with me. A quick joke about their mothers or alluding to their impotency usually shut them up. Those who wanted to toe-up to me and then got offended were the quickest one to go running to my manager. It sucked, sure. But when the end-times come and there are no managers, I know who will be first on the menu.

  23. There is a special place in hell for people who go out of the way to leave a bad review on a public website.

  24. There is an even worse place for people who leave four out of five stars but still enjoyed their experience. For the most part, your opinion sucks. If there was a real problem - like, health and safety kind of shit - then do the real work of contacting someone who can solve the problem.

  25. Bluegrass music is beautiful because it is simple. The simple part is what screws up some musicians.

  26. A valuable skill: learning to cut people off and out of your life. Hard stop, no exceptions. Regardless of who is right or wrong - if they make you feel like shit, can em. Forever. Don’t go back, you don’t owe them anything.

  27. When I worked in office jobs I saw how lazy everyone could be. People were paid 80K a year to talk about last night’s sporting event - and we didn’t work in sports. No wonder we have a fucked up idea of money.

  28. A shower should feel like salvation. Climbing into bed should feel post-orgasmic. Otherwise, you haven’t worked hard enough

  29. Few things determine the strength of a relationship like a leaky tent in a rainstorm. To some, it’s the end of the world. To others, dawn is only a few hours away.

  30. You can rest assured that most people are pretty bad at their jobs. For the most part, this is fine until you need something from them.

  31. Politeness, manners, and “acting normal” are enforced by people who couldn’t tell a joke to save their life. Be weird.

  32. You don’t owe anyone, anything. Most debts are forgotten until you find out that you need something.

  33. Most people are always trying to sell you on something.

  34. The stars are always there, I promise. If you can’t see them then it may be time to move.

Passable Isn't Far

Passable Isn't Far

The Flow of Economies

The Flow of Economies